Everybody’s Gotta Love Sunshine

(This is a dark little story and it’s not for the faint of heart. Really – if you are disturbed by violent or irregular forms of sex, please don’t read ahead. Think of happy white ponies with fancy horns on their faces and forget you ever saw this story.)

I wish things could’ve worked out differently. I don’t really want to do this. But ever since those ‘sumbitches killed so many of our kind for our blood, I’ve wanted to get even.

I peer into the lake and feel the self-loathing creep over me again. I see a small, pathetic cretin with half a horn on his nose and I snort for the gazillionth time. The god that managed the unicorns sure as hell screwed up on me. Almost but not quite white, barely five feet in height – barely a unicorn, is what I was. What I am.

I’m not too proud of it but hey, I gotta make do with what I got. Momma says I have a big brain and a big heart. Sorry, momma, but your little foal don’t have any of those things. He became a nobody and did nuthin’ right. He’s a lily livered coward even the chickens would be ashamed of.

Until now, said Uncle Bane. You’re gonna make your mother proud, Kid.

“I know, Uncle Bane. You’re so good to me. I’m so happy I found you.”

Self-pity session over, I make my way back to my cave. Unicorns generally prefer thick forests they can just laze about in, but I need my space. I need to be away from the others so I can become myself.

I hear a rustling and I quickly find the source. Carla, my only friend. I want to tell her how much I love her.

“I can’t wait any longer, Shade, you have to tell me now what you’ve got for me!”

“Carla, I told you it’ll have to wait till the end of the day. I don’t want you to say you missed someone else’s gifts.” I had something really special planned for her birthday, and I didn’t want anyone to ruin it for us.

“I already saw everyone off early so I could spend some time with you.” She beamed. I blushed a little. Carla was a magnificent specimen of unicorn, the kind the bipeds thought were magical, and not just because of our powers. She was still a young foal and had much to grow into, but you could look at her and immediately see what a powerful beast she would be. Why she picked me, I don’t know.

“Why don’t you come inside and close your eyes, I’ll only be a minute.” This was it. I could feel it. I could become myself and show her how much I loved her, if only she’d go inside. She’d never been before.

“All right, I won’t peek!” She laughed and stumbled her way into my home, comically covering her eyes with her ears.

I pause. Come on, Kid, what’re ya waitin’ for? This is yer chance!

I centre myself and walk into my cave, where Carla is trampling around in a circle impatiently. I smile at her, though she can’t see it.

I charge and spear her belly on my horn. It may be small, but it does the job.

She shrieks. Incoherent mumbles. There’s a ringing in my ears sounding faintly like Uncle Bane egging me on. I mount her, my need growing stronger.

“Carla, how I have waited!” I sound stupid in my ecstasy.

“F’kin bas-tur, whatta yu dun’?!” There is silver blood pouring out of her mouth now, black tears oozing from her eyes. I lap away at every drop, lovingly savouring her sweet taste on my tongue. Yes, I am a bastard, but my momma loved me, and I love her.

Her head lolls about with the force of my pounding at her, and her eyes suddenly land on momma, watching her help me become. Momma’s such a sweet thing, she helped me become what I am today. The smell never bothered me, really, but her bones were starting to show and that wouldn’t do. Carla is nice to me and will help me now.

She tries to scream, but all that comes out of her throat is a gurgling. I lean over her and lovingly stroke her mane, telling her how she will help me become myself and how I can then kill the men who hunt us for our blood. A familiar shame suddenly wells up from somewhere, so I tell her how Uncle Bane will drink theirs just like I was drinking hers, and how I’m sure hers would always taste sweeter.

She stops moving, accepting her role in my destiny. There’s a good girl, Uncle Bane says, it won’t hurt much longer. I see stars as the power passes into me, it feels so wonderful. You’re beautiful, Carla. I’ll love you like you deserve to be loved, you’ll see.

Just a little more o’ this an’ you’ll be ready, Kid.

“Yes, Uncle Bane.” Very soon, indeed.



  1. Again just to repeat everyone else, this was fantastic. The psycho unicorn voice bordered on actually being a little sympathatic which is quite hard to pull off, well done!

  2. I’m really glad I didn’t read anyone’s stories before writing my own.
    I’ll never think about unicorns the same way again. Good story.

  3. R.L.W.

    Very creepy and well written!

  4. Zombie Chimp

    Well, that’s the last bastion of my childhood innocence brutally gang-raped…

    I loved it! Brilliant! (The story of course, not gang-rape!)

  5. I will never look at unicorns the same way. Very much enjoyed this story. I’m twisted that way. Chuck has a LOT to answer for with this fiction challenge. Thanks for stopping by to comment on my story. I really appreciate it!

    • I’m grateful the folks around Chuck’s have an iron stomach, else this fic would never have seen the light of day, err, the code of the blogosphere, or something. Anyway, I really enjoyed your story and just said so. :)

  6. whoa, ok your right that was pretty twisted, defenatly not your run of the mill unicorn story. hints at an interesting wider story – them sumbitches, and mythology – there is some sort of highlander style gathering of energy through this black act. I like the fact he is small and angry like Peter milligan’s ‘skin’ comic.

    • Blot

      I’ve certainly never written anything like it before, but one must try everything. I like to think there is a larger universe behind it from which I’ve captured a turning point, but, honestly, you could just think of Voldemort living on unicorn blood in the first Harry Potter book and it would do. :D Thanks for reading this dark little thing anyway!

Let me know what you think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: